Energy's Soul Mission

At present I am reading 'The Mirror of Her Dreams' by Stephen R. Donaldson. The book is an interesting fantasy read for sure but not the point of my writings here.

It got me thinking... And remembering.

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As did Lady Terisa of Morgan, many, many times throughout my life I have also felt invisible. As a child, I often wondered, while watching the old black and white, were there people watching me as I set there watching my shows like 'Rin Tin Tin'? The concept of this endless circle of watchers watching watchers would boggle my mind. I remember getting confused and fearful, constantly trying to make no mistakes so no one would get hurt like they did in my watching experiences.


Later, in the early stages of the relationship with my now ex-husband; I would try and share this thought with him. But he would laugh and tease, never quite understanding just how real the premise was for me. The idea that perchance there were souls who lived on us as we, in turn lived on earth... Or that others existed out past earth as well as down below in earth... All these thoughts would run through my mind... As a child it created many feelings of self-consciouness... And of course, it would. The idea of people always watching... What is amazing is that I functioned at all through these constant thoughts and feelings.

The last few years I often feel like I am not in existence at all. Invisible, expect when I am needed by someone. Not allowed to move on in any real way.

I am not yet finished the book, but it is proving to be flashlight in my soul. Creating tunnels into my past inner life. And the choices I made based on those powerful and real imagining of mine.

I know now, that those feeling were my higher power, but I had no way to understand this at the time. My family never discussed anything other than the most physical or superficial aspects of life so these wanderings of mine were attributed to an over active imagination or daydreams and never taken the least bit serious. After a period of time where I had horrific nightmares I was put on sleeping potions and that was that. Problem solved.